200+ Funny Christmas Status, Captions and Wishes

It’s Merry Christmas—a time for unlimited fun and enjoyment! We’ve compiled nothing but the funniest Christmas statuses and captions to share with you. These hilarious status updates are perfect for jazzing up your Instagram or Facebook for this joyous occasion. Let’s rock this Merry Christmas celebration and spread these Funny Christmas captions and wishes among friends and family, making them burst into laughter! These funny Christmas statuses are absolutely adorable and guaranteed to make anyone LOL in the blink of an eye. Scroll down, find your favorite funny Christmas status or Christmas caption, and update your Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media post.

Funny Christmas Status & Captions

I’m full of holiday spirit. It’s called wine.

I wish Santa fills your gift box with money instead of gifts and toys. Merry Christmas!

I’m not Santa. But you can still sit on my lap.

May your Christmas be as fat, happy, and plentiful as Santa’s! Merry Christmas!

Enjoy this Christmas till you find your name on Santa’s naughty list. May you have a great holiday!

Wishing all my friends a Christmas filled with laughter, joy, and lots of awkward family photos!

Do not spend all of your savings in one day over this lovely holiday. Merry Christmas!

Can’t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.

Lord, give me strength. And another glass of eggnog.

Me every day: slay. Me in December: sleigh.

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Well, most of the time. Okay, once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own presents.

The only holiday weight I’m gaining this Christmas is from lifting all those heavy gift bags!

Christmas calories don’t count, right? Asking for a friend who’s about to devour an entire gingerbread house.

Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.

OMG! I See Santa, Hurry up, Pretend to be Good.

May you be at peace, at least until your next credit card statement.

I hope your celebration will be big and your bill will be small this Christmas. Have a joyful Christmas!

Tis the season to be jolly, and by jolly, I mean fully stuffed with Christmas cookies!

Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear

funny christmas statuses

Forget the mistletoe, I’m just here for the food and presents. Kisses can wait!

Christmas is the festival of love and spirit so let us drink the spirit to feel love Merry Christmas to you.

Merry Christmas! I hope Santa brings you presents – and not sickness – this holiday season!

Wishing you and yours a holly jolly Christmas!

This Christmas, may your family be functional and all your batteries be included.

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.

Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I’m a gift.

I pray this year may Santa stop at my house too. Merry Christmas!

Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I’m going to need those back.

Oh! It’s Christmas! I wish you a day full of laughter and love. Merry Christmas.

I wish for your holidays to be filled with many big smiles and big celebrations – but hopefully not big credit card bills!

Holiday wishes made with gingerbread hugs and peppermint kisses.

The only time of year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.

Happy holidays! May your egg nog contain enough rum to get you through the Christmas season!

Christmas comes but once a year, but when it comes, it better bring good beer.

I love Christmas, but I am glad it comes just once a year. Otherwise, I’d turn into a major Grinch!

And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.

I wish Santa fills your gift box with money instead of gifts and toys. Merry Christmas!

You are too young to go to a clubbing. Stay indoors and expect gifts from Santa. Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa, I’m writing to let you know that I’ve been naughty this year … and it was SO worth it.

Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.

Funny Christmas Captions

Do Santa’s cookies pair well with white wine? Asking for a friend.

It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow.

Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account.

I know what I’m getting for Christmas … Fat. I’m getting fat.

May all your days be happy and bright And may all your Christmases be white.

The biggest benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don’t have to do laundry for another week or two.

They say Christmas is a time for smiles. How can I smile if my wallet has run out of cash?

Hope your Christmas is out of this world! Merry Christmas!

I’m a bit sweet and a little twisted, I guess you could call me a candy cane.

If you look for me at Christmas, don’t forget to check the local bar!

May the calories of Christmas disappear by the New Year. Happy holidays!

Santa is not going to give gifts to bad girls. So, it’s better you don’t expect one. Merry Christmas.

Hurry down the chimney tonight.

It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.

Merry Christmas! I hope you are enjoying it to the fullest as your credit card is almost facing a dent.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas filled with good times and even better wine.

It was so easy to fit everyone in the group picture!” … said no one ever.

Let’s drink mulled wine and talk shit.

I don’t always take selfies, but when I do, I take Santa hat selfies.

I don’t need to diet this Christmas. I am inspired by Santa Claus.

May your Christmas be wrapped in happiness and tied with love.

funny christmas captions

Permanently on the naughty list and loving every minute of it.

Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.

Hello… Merry Christmas to all the jingle ladies.

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange them.

I like them big and fake. Me talking about Christmas trees.

Don’t tell Santa we dropped these cookies on the floor right before the pic. Does the five-second rule apply to jolly old elves?

Dasher, dancer, prancer, vixen, rum, vodka, and whiskey.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.

Read: Funny Photo Captions

Funny Christmas Captions for Instagram

Don’t think of it as me bribing you, think of it as spreading Christmas cheer!

Wishing you an Instagram-perfect Christmas this year. Happy holidays!

That’s the true spirit of Christmas: people being helped by people other than me.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.

Instead of listing everyone in this photo, let’s just call it, ‘The Naughty List.’

It’s good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas.

I’m dreaming of a wine Christmas.

I’m Claus-trophobic.

Let’s get Frosty!

Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.

I am not going to give you gifts this Christmas. Because you already have me. Have a lovable Christmas.

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.

May your fun be large and bills be small this year. Merry Christmas!

Wishing you a Merry Christmas! Ops you are working today, sorry it’s your shift.

Love fills the air on the 25th of December; let’s make it a night to remember!

Christmas is canceled. I told Santa I’ve been good this year. He died laughing.

When someone asks ‘where is your Christmas spirit?’ is it wrong to point to the liquor cabinet?

Just so we’re clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

You’ve already put up your Christmas tree? That’s nothing. I’m already drunk for St. Patrick’s Day.

The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

Funny-Christmas-Captions-for-Instagram

Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.

May your holidays be like Santa – fat, cheerful and abundant.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

No Matter How Old You Are, an Empty Christmas Wrapping Paper Tube is Still Fun to Bonk Someone on the Head with.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm and we all go through it together.

Christmas is not only for praying and praising But for drinking and messing around also. Merry Christmas!

That warm feeling isn’t just the Christmas spirit. I think you left the oven on.

Funny Christmas Status for Facebook

Worrying about what to do this Christmas season. Just sit down and enjoy the Merry.

Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.

The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

One thing I love about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with one present.

Christmas time is just a time that children tell Santa what they want so their parents can buy it for them.

Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.

One way to get on the naughty list is to leave Santa a gluten free cookie and soy milk.

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall!

Don’t expect Santa to show up today. I saw him sleeping because of last night’s hangover.

There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear… but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs, and rear.

Nothing is sadder than a gift card that says “Cannot be used for the purchase of alcohol”.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

Google should have a Christmas Season Street View that shows houses with Christmas lights.

May your holidays be like Santa – fat, cheerful, and abundant!

Merry Kissmyass with lots of hugs.

I’m only a morning person on December 25th.

Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.

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I was Christmas shopping for a friend’s daughter… I asked what she was into and he said “anything Frozen” So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.

Christmas is so much worse as you get older. It’s like “What do you want this year?” IDK. Financial security? A career? A sense of purpose? A nap would be nice.

Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!

Dearest God, this Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!

My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he’s pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

Choosing someone based on their looks, is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.

What’s red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill!

Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.

I don’t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.

Dear Santa I’ve been good all year! OK, most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh…F*ck it, I’ll buy my own sh#t.

If playing the same music constantly is a form of torture, do shops at Christmas torture their employees?

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!

Christmas shopping is done… I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads. “Sorry, the world was supposed to end so I didn’t get you anything. Blame the Mayans!

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. Merry Christmas!

Read: Christmas Status For Facebook

Funny Christmas Status for WhatsApp

It’s the most wine-derful time of the year. Merry Christmas!

All I want for Christmas is you. Just kidding, I want wine.

May your holiday be filled with as much cheer as your dosage allows

Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas.

Wishing you a magical Christmas filled with peace, joy, and plenty of eggnog to go around.

Dear Santa, I’m writing to let you know that I’ve been naughty and it was worth it!

Just so we’re clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if it runs out I’ll drink the red.

Holidays are exhausting. Ho Ho! Keep calm and enjoy Christmas!

I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!

Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.

Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Every time your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.

All I want for Christmas is you… and pizza too.

Dear Santa: How much for your list with all the naughty girls on it?

Merry Christmas! I put so much thought into your gift that now it’s too late to get it.

Got my wife some lovely perfume for Xmas, it’s called Tester… Hope she likes it.

Dear kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parent’s love, Wikileaks.

funny christmas whatsapp status

Santa told me you’d been very good this year, I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!

They say that Christmas is just around the corner, How can it be when the world is round?

Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.

Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!

How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman would wear the same outfit year after year.

Greetings from the North Pole! Don’t be shocked… it’s Christmas again!

Handmade Christmas presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

Christmas is canceled. I told Santa I’ve been good this year. He died laughing.

I knew you were coming so I baked a cake. It was delicious. Happy Christmas!

Dear Santa: this year please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body, and this year doesn’t mix the two up.

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him.

His name is Clause. Santa Clause. The Force is with him. And he’ll be back!

Funny Christmas Status for Friends

Happy Holiday Season I wish you all, meet your goals and have a ball!

Christmas = bankruptcy together #FriendshipGoals

No mistletoe, just stinky friends. Merry Christmas!

Feeling down? At least you’re not a Santa elf. They work 364 days for a candy cane.

Santa, please no singing fish plaque. Torture.

Dreaming of white Christmas, but red will do. Cheers to Christmas drinking buddies!

You make my day every time with naughty remarks. Merry Christmas to the clown in my life.

Your saving will quickly vanish without you noticing. You will only discover come January that you don’t have any money. Merry Christmas!

Last year, I asked Santa for the s*exiest person ever for Christmas. I woke up in a box.

Christmas cheer? I thought you said Christmas beer.

Merry Christmas to my sweetheart, who has been the red chilly in my life.

Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.

Time to get into the Christmas spirit – vodka, gin, rum, etc.

Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!

I wasn’t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.

Christmas comes once a year. It’s time to relax and have fun. Merry Christmas My friend!

In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.

I wish you seasons of eating and having Merry. Merry Christmas and a happy new year!

My Christmas present to all of my friends! I took a naked selfie and deleted it.

Enjoy your Christmas holiday, the chicken and goose are waiting, don’t forget to send me the blessings. Merry Christmas my friend!

I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well!

I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!

Let us rejoice and enjoy Has lord has given this day to drink as much you want, Happy Christmas!

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present…They are due back at the library today.

Your pain is my pains so please don’t do any of the stupid things we usually do; I want to enjoy this Christmas!

I wasn’t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.

Christmas has been canceled! And it’s your fault because I told Santa you had been good and he died laughing!

Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic Merry Christmas!

A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa “just send me your mother.”

I’d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week.

I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!

May on this Christmas Glow of prosperity and joy of Happiness Fill in your body along with Christmas wine Merry Christmas to you!

I want you to have a safe holiday, so on Christmas morning, Do not stand between the kids and the presents! Merry Christmas!

Any of my friends who believe the “Mayan’s Prediction” please let me know as soon as possible. Your opinion will only be based on this year’s Christmas gifts. Thanks.

Read: 200+ Best Christmas Captions For Instagram

Funny Christmas Wishes

Merry Christmas! May the magic of Christmas still be with you when you open your next credit card bill.

Dear, you know Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard?

I wish you hit the jackpot for joy, happiness, and peace this holiday season. Merry Christmas!

Wishing you a Christmas so merry, you’ll be singing carols off-key all day long!

May your holiday season be filled with joy, laughter, and enough eggnog to make even Santa tipsy!

Here’s to hoping your Christmas is as bright and colorful as the ugly sweater your grandma knitted for you!

How do cats greet each other at Christmas? A furry Merry Christmas and Happy Mew Year!

Do not expect Santa they all are Drunk and flat Merry Christmas without gifts!

Sending you warm wishes and hot cocoa on this chilly Christmas day. Just don’t spill it on your new Christmas sweater!

May your Christmas be filled with so much food and wine, you’ll need a new belt and a designated driver!

The biggest lie I tell to every girl, “you are beautiful.” But are you really? I do want to know. Happy Christmas!

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas, Not cause I like snow or anything, I’m just a racist.

Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it’s voice-activated. I’m at the mall and every time Santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number.

Don’t you think that Santa Claus has the right idea? Visit people only once a year!

Sending you a message of hope, love, and peace in case we don’t meet this Christmas. Merry Christmas pal!

Funny-Christmas-Status-and-Captions

Christmas is all about happiness, great cheer, fun, and all smiles. Hope you will still manage to be smiling after all your pockets run dry.

Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don’t think soooo.

May Santa give you skill and intelligence this Christmas so that you can buy gifts for me more efficiently.

Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Every time your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.

Dear Santa, I’m writing to let you know that I’ve been naughty… and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental bastard.

I wish you a White Christmas! But if your White Wine runs out, drink the Red…

I’m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.

I don’t always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one from my neighbor’s yard.

Halloween = Candy, Thanksgiving = Food, Christmas = Gifts, New Years = Drinks, Valentines = S*ex, Birthdays = ALL OF THE ABOVE!

I accidentally drank two energy drinks this morning and now my house is decorated for Christmas.

Memo from Santa: Due to the rising cost of coal, this year people on the naughty list will be receiving Nickelback CDs.

A man basically goes through three phases in his life… He believes in Santa Claus…He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus…He is Santa Claus.

Santa won’t be coming this year…He died laughing when you said you’d been a good girl. Have a Merry Christmas.

We hope these Funny Christmas Statuses and captions bring a smile to your face and help you greet those you cherish. Feel free to update your social network status with these Funny Christmas Statuses and Captions. Wishing you the very best this Christmas.