Funny Twitter Status, Captions and Tweets

This is the ultimate list of funny Twitter status messages. When your own words don’t quite cut it, you can turn to these humorous status messages to share with your friends and followers online. These funny statuses are so hilarious that they’ll have anyone bursting into laughter in no time. So go ahead, send that text or tweet, and let these funny status messages create unforgettable moments. You can even enhance your Twitter posts by attaching a funny caption to your photos.

Funny Twitter Status

My smile may be fake but at least my personality isn’t.

She will definitely call you “Honey” when she needs money.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone.

How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.

Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite social media overreaction.

The only reason I’m fat because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.

Money doesn’t bring happiness, but shopping does.

A man who counts his money after withdrawing from the ATM has trust issues.

Facebook account is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account!

It’s funny how I am good at giving advice’s to others but when it comes to helping myself, I don’t know what to do!

A grown man was wearing a Minions shirt that said: “I’m here to annoy you.” Mission accomplished.

The little opportunity given to a monkey to wear clothes, does not guarantee it to join the dining table.

Laughter is the best medicine. But if you are laughing without any reason, you need medicine.

I’ve heard a few women mention that they love to get gifts from men that take their breath away… I’m thinking of a treadmill.

God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.

There’s no such thing as insomnia. There are just a lot of people with Internet access and that too high speed and cheap.

When times are troubled, SMILE. When disaster threatens, LAUGH. When asked your age, LIE.

Browse More: Funny Whatsapp Status

Funny Twitter Captions

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me… I’ll train you.

Here’s a throwback Thursday picture. If you don’t comment aww, I’ll unfollow you.

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!

Funny Status Messages

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

I just saved a TON of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.

It’s Facebook, not Time Magazine. We don’t need to see your entire life in pictures.

That’s so weird. I told her to calm down and it had the exact opposite effect…

About to mail my check for $1500 to Nigeria for the $15 million lotteries I just won! Cya later SUCKAS!

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

With so many things coming back in style, I can’t wait till loyalty and morals become the new trend again.

Good girls are found in every corner of the earth. But unfortunately, the earth is round.

A man who hangs around a beautiful girl without saying a word ends up fetching water for guests at her wedding.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is “Don’t you think you have had enough!

I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.

Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flick target teenagers.

She said she was having twins and I said, “At least you’ll finally have 2 kids by the same father.

Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.

Girls are like mangoes, while you are waiting for them to be ripe, others are eating them with salt.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.

May You Like: Funny Facebook Status

Best Funny Tweets

If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape.

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!

Don’t judge someone by their mistakes but on how they fix them.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Funny status messages

Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong.

Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped 🙂

Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. send him to KFC.

Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.

Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?

You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.

If I got 50p for every maths exam I failed I’d have about £6.20 now.

Girls use Photoshop to look beautiful… Boys use Photoshop to show their creativity.

When your kids become teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.

Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed call… Turns the volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!

Does anybody know how to disable the auto-correct feature on my wife?

My wife and I have the cutest nicknames for each other. She’s my buttercup and I’m her useless sack of sh*t.

Remember lady’s, being good may get you a few nice presents but being naughty will get you diamonds.

Related: Funny Clever Status

We hope you’ve enjoyed our collection of funny status messages and had a good laugh. Laughter is the best medicine for your mind, body, heart, and soul. That’s why we’ve got you covered with the most extensive list of funny status messages and quotes to keep you laughing out loud.