170 Funny Valentines Day Status, Quotes and Captions

Funny Valentine’s Day Status: It’s again the season of love and the time to celebrate love life with your lover! Valentine Day is the way to come more closer and show the feelings of heart. And it’s good to make some fun on this special day to make love life happier and bring a smile to a loved one’s face. Now, take a look through the best collection of Funny Valentines Day Status which are too hilarious and sarcastic also! Pick up some funny valentines day status and share on Whatsapp either you may tag your lover or friends on Facebook to make them smile with the help of these funny valentines day statuses! Also, don’t forget to upload selfies with funny valentine’s day captions on Instagram or Facebook. You may use some tricky flirting captions while chatting with your girlfriend/boyfriend on Snapchat!

Funny Valentines Day Status

The only bubble in the flat champagne of February is Valentine’s Day.

Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. Happy Valentine Day!

My love for you is like a fart that can’t be contained. Bursting out aloud in all its glory and fragrance.

Love is like peeing your pants everyone can see it but only you can feel it. Thanks for being the pee in my pants.

I think Valentine’s Day, as a concept. The naked baby shoots you with an arrow and you fall in love.

Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.

When people ask me what’s the best thing about you, I say nothing. I don’t want them to fall in love with you too.

Don’t blame me for loving you madly, it’s all your fault that you have everything I’m so fond of!

Love is termite and I am hollow inside in the glow of your love. Wishing you a Happy Valentine Day.

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

There’s just one thing I want to change about you that’s your last name. Happy Valentine’s Day!

The awkward moment when you realize Valentine’s day is approaching fast and the only one who loves you is your pet.

I fell in love but there is no one ready to pick me up.

That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.

It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

Funny-Valentines-Day-Status-Messages-Quotes

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

The only card I want for Valentine’s is VISA.

Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, but they had an Apple.

If I were a hunter, then I must be a bad shooter because every time you cross my mind, I miss you.

The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy. See you in court!

I feel for you and totally understand if you get jealous all the time. I’d feel the same way if I had such a hot boyfriend.

I just saved a bunch of money on valentines day by switching to single.

I’m going to spend Valentine’s day with my x….. Box 360.

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine’s Day? Let me call you Tweetheart!

I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?

I finally got my past, present and future tenses correct today. I loved you. I love you. I will love you forever!

Excuse me…Hi, I’m writing an essay on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you.

Nothing enters my mind after you have occupied it.

Excuse me, please empty your pockets I think you stole my heart.

Read: Valentines Day Status for Singles

Funny Valentine’s Day Captions

Love is being stupid together.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I want to LOL you all night long. Happy V-day!

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.

It is impossible to love and be wise.

It is impossible not wanting to kiss you every time you smile!

Valentine’s Day Money-Saving Tips: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?

It’s not my fault that I fell for you, you tripped me. Happy Vday, Darling!

To all my friends who are committed: Happy Valentine’s Day!

Seriously, do I look like Valentine’s person?

Love is a game that two can play and both win.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

What did the painter say to his Girlfriend? “I love you with all my art!”

It would be great if Valentine’s Day came with a fast-forward button.

I already killed some helpless flowers for you… what else do you want?

Who needs men when I’ve got my girls? Happy Valentines’ Day everyone.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

Ok, I’m single, anyone wants to put a ring on it! *wink wink*

I will never get tired of loving you and I hope you don’t too!

Wish our Valentine’s Day sicken all our single friends.

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.

Your love is better than chocolate. Better than anything else that I’ve tried.

You fill the space between my heartbeats.

I wish you would be my emergency contact person one day.

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.

The only regret I have is not knowing you since the day I was born.

Congratulations! You are my first repetitive Valentine.

Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills!

On this Valentine’s days… Please don’t make me choose between you and porn. Shit…I mean popcorn!

No, I don’t think it would be appropriate to give him your Valentine’s Day gift at the restaurant.

Do you want to surprise your boyfriend during February 14th? Shave your legs.

I am going to call the police right now. Why did you steal my heart like this?

If I don’t meet your standards for Valentine’s date, then please lower your standards.

Let’s commit the perfect crime, I’ll steal your heart and you’ll steal mine.

Are you ready for a kissing fight? Or do you think you are going to lose?

The stars must be jealous. You shine way better than them!

Are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here!

I’m no organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.

Valentines Day is the day that the “V” and the “D” come together.

I hope you noticed that not only the Sochi Olympics opening ceremony was missing a ring.

Valentine’s day. Another great holiday to remind some of us how truly alone we are.

Don’t ask me how much do I love you just count all the stars in the sky.

Funny Valentines Day Status & Short Funny Messages

I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine’s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.

That awkward moment when you realize that Valentine’s day is approaching fast and the only one you love is your pet.

Read: Valentines Day Captions

Funny Valentines Day Status For WhatsApp

Valentine is what you’ve been through with somebody.

I am celebrating Independence Day as I am still single. Happy Valentine day, my dear friends.

Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.

You would be perfect (if only you lost 20 pounds)

I don’t love valentine’s day but I love half price chocolate day.

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

Valentine’s Day Forecast: I’m alone and I love it.

Love is a serious mental disease.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

I suspect you were cheating, your gift for me was too amazing.

I would love you even if you were so ugly that everyone died.

Love doesn’t have a price tag on it, but all its accessories have.

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

On Valentine’s Day, a magnet said to another magnet, ‘you are very attractive.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably something else.

Already killed some helpless flowers for you… what else do you want?

A real confession: You mean so much more to me than my new iPhone!

Funny-Valentines-Day-Status-Messages

Valentine’s is near and love is in the air. Don’t breathe.

On Valentine’s day: “I don’t need a girlfriend. My job irritates me every day & that’s enough for me.”

You’ve to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince on the horse.

My only wish today is to run into one of my exes with my new Valentine!

Roses are red, violets are blue, cupids are gay and so are you!

Thanks for secretly becoming my Valentine by hearting one of my tweets on Twitter.

Read: Valentine Day Status

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Facebook

You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.

May your status on Facebook do not change to ‘complicated’ after this Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.

I can’t make you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.

I wish your Valentine’s Day celebration get a tone of likes.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, each is inevitably disappointed.

Happy singles awareness Day!! (S.A.D) because you’re never more aware you’re single than this time of year.

I trust you plan more for Valentine’s Day than Russia prepared for the Olympics.

My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.

I am only into this date because it’s Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine‘s day.

It’s a pity to tell you I’m sorry my period ruined your plans for this Valentine’s Day.

This Valentine’s Day, I am wishing you all the love a somewhat logical string of emoji can convey.

It’s good to know that my Valentine’s Day as a single person is anyway more romantic than married ones.

No, darling, I don’t think it would be appropriate to give you your Valentine’s Day gift at the restaurant.

Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentines Day. We’ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.

I promise to vote for any presidential candidate, who promise to forbid Valentine’s Day.

My boyfriend told me I can do with him whatever I want on Valentine’s Day, so I tied him up and went to the nightclub.

Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.

I have saved a lot of money this valentine’s day just by switching to being single.

When I am with you, my Mondays become Fridays, my nights are bright and the air is cleaner. What kind of powers do you have?

If you text ‘I Love You’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.

Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.

Celebrating Valentine’s Day with my favorite people: wine and chocolate.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.

Read: Valentine Day Status for Whatsapp

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Boyfriend

On Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.

Someday, we will be changing diapers together. Happy Valentine’s day, my love!

Without you, I am just a cat, but with you, I am a tiger. Happy Valentine Day, lovebug.

Words are just not enough to express my love for you. Maybe, my stupid face can. Wishing you a very happy Valentine’s Day.

We’re like Romeo and Juliet… except for the dying part of course.

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

If I could, I would wrap up all my love for you and put in a gift box. But they don’t make boxes large enough!

When people ask me what’s the best thing about you, I say nothing. I don’t want them to fall in love with you too.

Hey, at least I remembered the flowers. Happy Valentine’s Day to the one who rocks my world!

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Girlfriend

Love makes people do silly things. Like, it made me post this status!

You are so cute same as my cat. Have a beautiful Valentine Day.

If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine’s Day I would put a fake engagement ring in every girl’s Drink.

The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.

I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day with all my heart, and lungs, and liver, and spleen…!

Every day I fall more in love with you. Except on those days you really piss me off… (fortunately, today is not that day!)

I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

I lost my teddy bear; can I sleep with you?

You’re basically the cutest thing I have ever loved, after my kitten.

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Husband

Valentine’s day is the “D” day to tell you those special three words – let’s sleep in!

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

You are so lucky to have me – and vice versa! Happy Valentine’s Day!

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

You are my sweetest Valentine, I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Happy Valentine’s Day, cookie.

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Wife

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.

One funny thing about Valentine’s Day is that after the enjoyment comes the possibility of a crying baby in the cradle. Enjoy wisely.

Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.

I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too – for being married so many times.

Nothing makes a wife more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?

True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.

Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Love is spending the rest of your life you want to kill and not doing it because you’d miss them.

This is really a rich collection of funny valentines day status and funny love messages which are too cute to bring a smile in the blink of an eye whom you share, hope you have enjoyed and share with your loved one!