235+ Funny Valentines Day Status, Captions and Quotes

Love is in the air again! It’s time to celebrate with your special someone. Valentine’s Day is a wonderful opportunity to deepen your connection and express your love. But hey, who says romance can’t be fun too?

Spread laughter and joy this year with a hilarious Valentine’s Day status or caption. Whether you’re sharing it on WhatsApp, tagging your loved one on Facebook or Instagram, or uploading a funny selfie, these witty words are sure to bring a smile to anyone’s face.

Feeling extra playful? Use some teasingly flirty captions on Snapchat to add a spark to your chats with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Remember, Valentine’s Day is about celebrating love in all its forms, so don’t be afraid to sprinkle some humor and fun into the mix!

Funny Valentines Day Status

Yay! Love is in the air! So, darling, don’t hold your breath! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to remind your significant other that they’re stuck with you for another year.

Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. Happy Valentine Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the couples out there who still manage to tolerate each other’s weird habits.

Valentine’s Day is just a reminder that I’m still single and my standards are still high.

Funny-Valentines-Day-Status-Messages-Quotes

If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.

The only bubble in the flat champagne of February is Valentine’s Day.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. Happy Valentine’s Day!

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular on Valentine’s Day?

I’m not saying I’m anti-Valentine’s Day, I’m just saying I’m pro-chocolate and flowers any day of the year.

Love is like peeing your pants everyone can see it but only you can feel it. Thanks for being the pee in my pants.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps.

When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband.

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.

I think Valentine’s Day, as a concept. The naked baby shoots you with an arrow and you fall in love.

My love for you is like a fart that can’t be contained. Bursting out aloud in all its glory and fragrance.

If you will be my Valentine, I will hold you very close, I will give you a kiss, as well as a little red rose!

Don’t blame me for loving you madly, it’s all your fault that you have everything I’m so fond of!

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.

Love is termite and I am hollow inside in the glow of your love. Wishing you a Happy Valentine Day.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

Love is when the desire to be desired takes you so badly that you feel you could die of it.

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

There’s just one thing I want to change about you that’s your last name. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.

People should fall in love with their eyes closed.

The awkward moment when you realize Valentine’s day is approaching fast and the only one who loves you is your pet.

I fell in love but there is no one ready to pick me up.

That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.

It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

The only card I want for Valentine’s is VISA.

Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, but they had an Apple.

If I were a hunter, then I must be a bad shooter because every time you cross my mind, I miss you.

The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy. See you in court!

I feel for you and totally understand if you get jealous all the time. I’d feel the same way if I had such a hot boyfriend.

I just saved a bunch of money on valentines day by switching to single.

I’m going to spend Valentine’s day with my x….. Box 360.

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine’s Day? Let me call you Tweetheart!

I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?

I finally got my past, present and future tenses correct today. I loved you. I love you. I will love you forever!

Excuse me…Hi, I’m writing an essay on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you.

Nothing enters my mind after you have occupied it.

Excuse me, please empty your pockets I think you stole my heart.

Funny Valentine’s Day Captions

Love is being stupid together.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

As a man in a relationship, you have two choices: You can be right, or you can be happy.

Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you.

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.

Funny Valentine's Day Captions

When people ask me what’s the best thing about you, I say nothing. I don’t want them to fall in love with you too.

A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt.

love you because you are almost exactly like me, and I am the best

Here’s to stocking up on half-priced candy on February 15th!

I want to LOL you all night long. Happy V-day!

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

Nothing much to see here. Just a pair of weirdos madly in love.

Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.

It is impossible to love and be wise.

It is impossible not wanting to kiss you every time you smile!

Valentine’s Day Money-Saving Tips: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

We make each other laugh even when we don’t want to smile.

Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?

It’s not my fault that I fell for you, you tripped me. Happy Vday, Darling!

To all my friends who are committed: Happy Valentine’s Day!

Seriously, do I look like Valentine’s person?

Love is a game that two can play and both win.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

What did the painter say to his Girlfriend? “I love you with all my art!”

It would be great if Valentine’s Day came with a fast-forward button.

I already killed some helpless flowers for you… what else do you want?

Who needs men when I’ve got my girls? Happy Valentines’ Day everyone.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

Ok, I’m single, anyone wants to put a ring on it! *wink wink*

I will never get tired of loving you and I hope you don’t too!

Wish our Valentine’s Day sicken all our single friends.

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.

Your love is better than chocolate. Better than anything else that I’ve tried.

You fill the space between my heartbeats.

I wish you would be my emergency contact person one day.

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.

The only regret I have is not knowing you since the day I was born.

Congratulations! You are my first repetitive Valentine.

Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills!

On this Valentine’s days… Please don’t make me choose between you and porn. Shit…I mean popcorn!

No, I don’t think it would be appropriate to give him your Valentine’s Day gift at the restaurant.

Do you want to surprise your boyfriend during February 14th? Shave your legs.

I am going to call the police right now. Why did you steal my heart like this?

If I don’t meet your standards for Valentine’s date, then please lower your standards.

Let’s commit the perfect crime, I’ll steal your heart and you’ll steal mine.

Are you ready for a kissing fight? Or do you think you are going to lose?

The stars must be jealous. You shine way better than them!

Are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here!

I’m no organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.

Valentines Day is the day that the “V” and the “D” come together.

I hope you noticed that not only the Sochi Olympics opening ceremony was missing a ring.

Valentine’s day. Another great holiday to remind some of us how truly alone we are.

Don’t ask me how much do I love you just count all the stars in the sky.

I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine’s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.

That awkward moment when you realize that Valentine’s day is approaching fast and the only one you love is your pet.

Read: Valentines Day Status for Singles

Funny Valentines Day Status For WhatsApp

Out of all the fish in the sea, I caught you. How extremely lucky is that?!

You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby—awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

Valentine is what you’ve been through with somebody.

Love is a condition in which the happiness of another individual is essential to your own.

Funny Valentines Day Status & Short Funny Messages

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

I love you more than coffee, but not always before coffee.

Love is not having to set an alarm for the next day.

I don’t love valentine’s day but I love half price chocolate day.

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

I am celebrating Independence Day as I am still single. Happy Valentine day, my dear friends.

Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.

You would be perfect (if only you lost 20 pounds)

Valentine’s Day Forecast: I’m alone and I love it.

Love is a serious mental disease.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

I suspect you were cheating, your gift for me was too amazing.

I would love you even if you were so ugly that everyone died.

Love doesn’t have a price tag on it, but all its accessories have.

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

On Valentine’s Day, a magnet said to another magnet, ‘you are very attractive.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably something else.

Already killed some helpless flowers for you… what else do you want?

A real confession: You mean so much more to me than my new iPhone!

Valentine’s is near and love is in the air. Don’t breathe.

On Valentine’s day: “I don’t need a girlfriend. My job irritates me every day & that’s enough for me.”

You’ve to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince on the horse.

My only wish today is to run into one of my exes with my new Valentine!

Roses are red, violets are blue, cupids are gay and so are you!

Thanks for secretly becoming my Valentine by hearting one of my tweets on Twitter.

Read: Valentine Day Status

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Facebook

You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Shout out to all of the people buying last-minute gifts on Valentine’s Day.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Sorry, I can’t keep calm because I’m totally crazy for you.

Falling in love with you was the best fall I ever had in my life.

I wish your Valentine’s Day celebration get a tone of likes.

May your status on Facebook do not change to ‘complicated’ after this Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.

If Love is the answer could you please rephrase the question.

Without Valentine’s Day, February would be, well… January.

You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.

I can’t make you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, each is inevitably disappointed.

Happy singles awareness Day!! (S.A.D) because you’re never more aware you’re single than this time of year.

I trust you plan more for Valentine’s Day than Russia prepared for the Olympics.

My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.

I am only into this date because it’s Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine‘s day.

It’s a pity to tell you I’m sorry my period ruined your plans for this Valentine’s Day.

This Valentine’s Day, I am wishing you all the love a somewhat logical string of emoji can convey.

It’s good to know that my Valentine’s Day as a single person is anyway more romantic than married ones.

No, darling, I don’t think it would be appropriate to give you your Valentine’s Day gift at the restaurant.

Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentines Day. We’ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.

I promise to vote for any presidential candidate, who promise to forbid Valentine’s Day.

My boyfriend told me I can do with him whatever I want on Valentine’s Day, so I tied him up and went to the nightclub.

Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.

I have saved a lot of money this valentine’s day just by switching to being single.

When I am with you, my Mondays become Fridays, my nights are bright and the air is cleaner. What kind of powers do you have?

If you text ‘I Love You’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.

Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.

Celebrating Valentine’s Day with my favorite people: wine and chocolate.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.

Read: Valentine Day Status for Whatsapp

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Boyfriend

On Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.

Love is blind – this is so true. How mad I am to fall in love with you. Bah – never mind! Happy Valentine’s to you.

Forget the butterflies! Whenever I’m with you, I feel the whole zoo.

Funny Valentine's Day Status For Boyfriend

Someday, we will be changing diapers together. Happy Valentine’s day, my love!

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Roses are red, the grass is green, take me out for a Valentine’s dinner, or I will create a scene!

Without you, I am just a cat, but with you, I am a tiger. Happy Valentine Day, lovebug.

Hey, at least I remembered the flowers. Happy Valentine’s Day to the one who rocks my world!

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

Words are just not enough to express my love for you. Maybe, my stupid face can. Wishing you a very happy Valentine’s Day.

We’re like Romeo and Juliet… except for the dying part of course.

If I could, I would wrap up all my love for you and put in a gift box. But they don’t make boxes large enough!

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Girlfriend

Love makes people do silly things. Like, it made me post this status!

You are so cute same as my cat. Have a beautiful Valentine Day.

You are the sweet topping of my ice-cream. I wish this ice-cream never melts. Have a wonderful Valentine.

Happy Valentine’s Day. If you were a book, I would go to every library and bookshop to check you out.

Don’t be so cool when you are with me, you look so fool. Happy Valentine Day.

Your farts are your cutest feature, except for the days we eat radishes. Then, baby, I want to kick you out. Happy Valentine’s Day, dear!

If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine’s Day I would put a fake engagement ring in every girl’s Drink.

The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.

I know all you need is love, but a little chocolate doesn’t hurt.

I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day with all my heart, and lungs, and liver, and spleen…!

Every day I fall more in love with you. Except on those days you really piss me off… (fortunately, today is not that day!)

I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.

I can’t wait to rip your clothes off when we get married. I love you so much, darling. Happy Valentine’s day.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

I lost my teddy bear; can I sleep with you?

You’re basically the cutest thing I have ever loved, after my kitten.

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Husband

Valentine’s day is the “D” day to tell you those special three words – let’s sleep in!

Happy Valentine’s Day to my husband, who still thinks he’s the funniest person in the room. Don’t worry, dear, I won’t tell anyone.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I married a comedian, and his jokes are never new. Happy Valentine’s Day, my love!

Let’s go to the bedroom and lose some weight. Happy Valentine’s day.

I was married by a judge. I should’ve asked for a jury.

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.

They say love is blind, but I’m pretty sure it’s deaf too, considering I still laugh at all your terrible jokes. Happy Valentine’s Day, hubby!

I never knew love could be so sweet, until I met you and your endless supply of candy puns. Happy Valentine’s Day, my sugary sweetheart!

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Happy Valentine’s Day to my husband, who makes me laugh so hard I forget all my troubles. Of course, he’s also the cause of most of them, but that’s beside the point.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

You are so lucky to have me – and vice versa! Happy Valentine’s Day!

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

You are my sweetest Valentine, I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Happy Valentine’s Day, cookie.

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.

Funny Valentine’s Day Status For Wife

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.

Happy Valentine’s Day to my dear wife, the one who stole my heart and made it her own.

Funny Valentine's Day Status For Wife

Happy Valentine’s Day to the one who made me a believer in love at first sight – my dear wife.

Happy Valentine’s Day to my beautiful wife. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m not great at rhyming, but I love you.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

As a man I’m the head of the house, my wife just makes the decisions.

Happy Valentine’s Day to my dear wife. I can’t imagine spending this day without you – who else would tolerate my terrible jokes and puns?

Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.

I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too – for being married so many times.

Nothing makes a wife more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.

One funny thing about Valentine’s Day is that after the enjoyment comes the possibility of a crying baby in the cradle. Enjoy wisely.

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?

True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.

Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Love is spending the rest of your life you want to kill and not doing it because you’d miss them.

Read More: Funny Captions

This post is your one-stop service point for funny Valentine’s Day statuses and captions. Whether you’re happily coupled, proudly single, or simply allergic to clichés, we’ve got something to tickle your funny bone and poke fun at those lovebirds. So, grab your sarcasm, ditch the Hallmark cards, and get ready to unleash your inner comedic Cupid!

Just a friendly reminder: Humor is subjective, and what might be funny to some may not resonate with others. These statuses and captions are meant to bring a lighthearted touch to Valentine’s Day celebrations.

If you find yourself in the company of someone with a different sense of humor, please remember to be mindful and considerate in your choice of messages. After all, the aim is to spread joy and laughter, not unintended awkwardness.

Our content is not meant to disrespect genuine love or belittle those celebrating it. We simply believe that humor can be a powerful tool to connect, lighten the mood, and remind everyone that funny Valentine’s status doesn’t have to be taken too seriously. Now, go forth and spread the laughter!