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You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. – Albert Einstein
My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way. – Henny Youngman
The only power you have is the word ‘No’. – Frances McDormand
Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.
On the other hand…you have different fingers.
I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried — but they wanted cash.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel – if there isn’t, it’s not a tunnel!
I’m not sarcastic, I am just intelligent beyond your understanding.
A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.
When you are on a 1% battery anyone who sends a message, Or calling, Becomes the enemy.
I used to have superpowers… But a therapist took them away.
People have become very naughty on whatsapp.. Even married women have put their status as AVAILABLE.
Whatsapp users never die, they just go offline.
Just finished blocking some numbers on whatsapp, if you can read this then you got lucky.
Read more : Funny Life Status
Best Status For Whatsapp And Facebook.
When I drink alcohol… Everyone says I’m alcoholic. But… When I drink Fanta.. No one says I’m fantastic. … !!!
A Good Date ends with Dinner. An Awesome Date ends with Breakfast!
I know life is a race…. But now I am in practice mode!
Hello madam, do you want Credit Card? Girl: No thanks, I have a Boyfriend.
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
A relationship is made for two, but some bitches are bad in math.
Love is like fart. If you force it, It’s probably shit.
There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count… And those who can’t.
Most of the fruits I know now and did not know were existed – Is only because of the shampoo.
In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
You can love me, hate me or masturbate screaming my name, it’s the thought that count.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Zombies are looking for brain, don’t worry you’re safe.
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
Read More Best Flirt Status
Funny Status Messages Of All Time.
There is nothing more annoying than two people talking while you’re trying to interrupt.
Some people are beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.
If Relationship between man and women were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.
Dear men, life without women would literally a pain in ass.
Changed my iPhone name to titanic it’s syncing now.
Graduation – The process changing one’s status from “Student” to “Unemployed”.
If at first you don’t succeed, …then skydiving is probably not for you.
The Facebook is Going to Start Charging you Unless you Copy and Paste This Legal Notice.
Why is Facebook going public? They couldn’t figure out the privacy settings either.
Everybody has a box somewhere with some weird shit in it.
Here I got another fool reading this!
Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
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