100 Best One-Liner Quotes and Whatsapp Status, Facebook Messages

One-Liner Quotes

Best One-Liner Quotes will help you to share your thoughts instantly. One-Liner sayings also represent smart and wise. In this post Short Status Quotes made a collection of best 100 one liner quotes for you. These funny, cleaver one-liner status easily you can make your Facebook, Whatsapp status and it will make difference that how awesome you are from others.

Funny One Liners Quotes For Facebook Post:

Friday is my second favorite F word.

When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

The only thing I hate more than having a dirty house is cleaning.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

The reason why I hate mornings so much is that they start while I’m still sleeping.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Every one of us has a friend, who says he’ll be in 5 minutes, but comes in two hours.

The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.

Sochi Winter Olympics seems to be longer than the four years period from last Winter Olympics.

I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

If someone is spitting behind you, it means you’re in front.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

You won’t take ‘thank you’ to bed.

Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?

A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer.

Best One Liners about life:

Sounds like its time to get that Enterprise built!

Life is about making an impact, not making an income. – Kevin Kruse

Time doesn’t exist. Clocks exists.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. – John Lennon

My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.

Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. – Charles Swindoll

Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.

An unexamined life is not worth living. – Socrates

Take my advice — I’m not using it.

One-liner quotes for Instagram Bio Check Quotes For Instagram Bio

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. –Steve Jobs

I got lost in thoughts. It was unfamiliar territory.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. – Anais Nin

Sure, I’d love to help you out… now, which way did you come in?

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. – Booker T. Washington

I would like to slip into something more comfortable – like a coma.

It is never too late to be what you might have been. – George Eliot

I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.

You become what you believe. – Oprah Winfrey

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. – Grandma Moses

There is no dance without the dancers.

It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. – Abraham Lincoln

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. – Steve Jobs

The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

If you can dream it, you can achieve it. – Zig Ziglar

If you are here – who is running hell?

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn

If nothing was learned, nothing was taught.

You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. – Maya Angelou

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Believe you can and you’re halfway there. – Theodore Roosevelt

The dogs bark but the caravan moves on. – Arabic saying

Smart One Liners Sayings for Whatsapp Status:

All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The problem with sex in the movies is, that the popcorn usually spills.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.

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Everybody repeat after me: We are all individuals.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.

A day for firm decisions! Or is it?

I want patience – AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

Bombs don’t kill people, explosions kill people.

Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.

Most Inspirational One Liners for Motivation:

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

You will never win if you never begin. – Helen Rowland

Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

Never, never, never give up. – Winston Churchill

Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior.

Know thyself. – Socrates

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Attitude is everything. – Charles Swindoll

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

For One-liner Selfie Captions Ideas Read Selfie Status For Facebook

Enjoy your life without comparing it to others. – Condobcet

I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

Only the gentle are ever really strong. – James Dean

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today.

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. – Mark Twain

Failure is not an option. It’s bundled with your software.

The truth is more important than the facts. – Frank Lloyd Wright

I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.

The most important thing is not to stop questioning. – Albert Einstein

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Thinking will not overcome fear but action will. – W. Clement Stone

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

Hope springs eternal. – Alexander Pope

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Cute One Liners Jokes:

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

I want to go to IKEA, hide in a wardrobe, wait for someone to open it and yell “WELCOME TO NARNIA”.

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain!

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

My conscience is clean — I have never used it.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Sugar – Honey – Iced – Tea … Guess what it means.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already. – Tommy Cooper

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.

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